You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
