i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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