man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
