It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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