it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
