i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
