So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
