No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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