so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
