I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
