He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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