i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
