I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
