Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
