Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
