I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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