like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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