Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
