Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
