Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
