He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
