who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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