I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
