dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
