Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
