Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
