I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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