Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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