what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
