I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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