my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
