i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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