i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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