You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
