My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
