He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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