I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
