Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We had to coat check the pizza.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
