after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
