I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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