Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
