k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
