We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize