you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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