Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
