Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
