Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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