You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize