Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
