She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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