i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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