Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
