watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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