shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
