I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
