Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
