Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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