:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
