You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
