so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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