What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
