my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
