also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
