I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
