please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
