Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
