I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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