I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
