There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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