Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
