Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
